When I work with people online they often come with issues they want to resolve. The process works through a simple conversation where you say a bit about what is happening in your life, what doesn’t work, what is painful and where you are stuck. Right from the start I am focused on your essence, on who you really are underneath the personality, and differentiating that from the learned ways of behaving. Through simple observations of your responses and bodily state, I guide you to be increasingly honest with yourself, and to feel what you would honestly like to do and say. We work on staying in the body, with the sensations, and noticing but not feeding or entering into mental stories. You will notice your own capacity to stay present and increase. I often give a simply weekly homework task that supports whatever you are currently learning or discovering.
When we hit roadbumps like very strong emotions, body sensations/pains or circling thoughts I use a process called Ancestral Clearing, which relies on body sensation and energetic clearing. It’s a way of accessing the points where you got stuck in the past with difficult experiences, and putting them to rest. It creates very fast change in the body, and is in some ways a cross between somatic experiencing, craniosacral bodywork and family constellation. It tackles deep underlying issues that can be ancestral and dissolves layers of old experiences.
I can help you with feeling more confident in making decisions, in trusting your intuition, and in communicating your feelings and needs. If you have felt lost, confused, or unsupported in general you can gain clarity and a sense of purpose and trust in yourself that will make all aspects of life easier. This is because we work with your own body sensation and emotion to strengthen your sense of self. This will improve your relationships in general and especially if you are a parent.
Many people notice themselves repeating patterns and going around in circles in their daily lives. For example, saying yes to social encounters when they feel overwhelmed already, just to please another. Another good example is going back for a second vaccination with their child when the child came out in eczma after the first and hasn’t recovered yet, even though they feel the child needs more time.
Why would we go against our own deepest wishes and needs? And why would we think it is necessary? Many people will argue that life requires sacrifice or that they have to put their children/spouse/parents first. Social and family conditioning is not always supportive of our own needs and potential sadly. But it’s never too late to start being true to yourself and making the most of your own life. And this is what the sessions help you to do.
What happens in the work is that we peel away layers of the onion – that’s how it often feels. For example a mother may be having a disproportionately strong response like red hot rage every time her child sings or won’t eat etc. These kinds of triggers from the child most often have revealed an old issue which has nothing to do with the child, and when we clear this in a few minutes in the session, the mother has a totally different experience next time the child does the exact same thing. This is how we break circular patterns.
Clients find that they become increasingly connected with themselves, with their own inner body sensation, with an underlying sense of calm and with a knowing what is right for them. They develop new boundaries, new abilities to say yes and no, to respect themselves and to be able to discern how certain cultural norms or attitudes are not supportive for themselves or their family. It can be quite a shock to realise how blindly many people follow social convention and how much pressure there is to conform, even when something doesn’t feel good or sit right for you. We learn how to deal with guilt and shame – social mechanisms designed to get people to conform and tow the line – and your confidence and freedom grows. As usually does mental and phsycial health! Diet and the relationship between food and emotional wellbeing usually come up somewhere along the way because highly sensitive people can’t really function in emotional balance unless the body is getting exactly what it needs when it needs it. Clean fresh food and plenty of time in nature are essentials for sensitive people to be able to get through a day adequately.
And so people often experience a shift which is a bit like becoming another person – only really they are only becoming who they always were before parents and school taught them how to behave in order to get approval. It is a wonderful and adventurous process of exploration and discovery that leads to greater health, joy and self-confidence. What I often find amazing is how the universe seems to get behind the process and provide events and encounters that support this process of becoming in delightful ways.
I can often find ways of resolving symptoms in children by working with the parents. I have a lot of experience with both Tourette’s and ADHD. I am not a medical practitioner – what I do is complimentary to medical advice and you should always get a medical opinion first. However I have had success working with parents of highly sensitive children on a variety of issues – especially Tourette’s, eczma, ADHD and emotional disturbances. My view on this is that when we look at the emotional burden or patterns that parents are exhibiting we often find that what looks like a serious condition in the child resolves or lessens considerably when parents become consciously aware of their own emtional patterns. This is nothing far -fetched. On the contrary we know that a child’s nervous system picks up and reflects the parental state instantly. This is exactly how parents are able to regulate and soothe a distressed infant. By the same principle when a parent resolves or takes responsabiltiy for a behaviour or emotional patter the child is no longer affected and has space to recover. Because children are very sensitive but also maleable, their nervous systems and brains tend to reflect this change very quickly. I work with parents to find viable solutions when other avenues have been exhausted, through a process of observation, common sense and my own experience. This relies on a perspective where the bodily organs, physical body, emotions and thoughts are seen as interconnected rather than separate. When viewed in this way it is often not that hard to see what is happening and where changes can be made.
You may have done a lot of emotional work already and just have a specific issue you want to resolve in one session. You are always welcome to just do one session if you want to experience the work and consider whether it is right for you. If you are looking to resolve a particular issue I recommend six sessions to start so that you can get a good foundation in sensing and experiencing which serves to support your further growth. Six sessions can work well also for people wishing to recover from an eating disorder – its often just the right amount of input. Others like to do weekly sessions for a year as they find that regular support for ongoing issues leads them in an organic process where they feel supported and able to make changes more easily. The process is led by your needs and can be flexible to accomodate them.
My work is informed by several different professional backgrounds from craniosacral and trauma resolution (somatic experiencing) through to family constellation, ancestral clearing and extensive study of Highy Sensitivity. The working style is akin to “compassionate enquiry” and informed by presence and direct experience as opposed to being analytical. I have worked with children and parents in a teaching and therapeutic capacity for over thirty years and much of my work comes from my own observation and research. My focus is on enabling you to access and express your unique essence, and in the case of parents showing them how to support their child’s innate temperament whilst deepening their own authenticity. I find that what works best in all relationships is authenticity and clear transparent communication.
I don’t work to a rigid system but there are certain human themes that come up repeatedly with most people that are archetypal. These include but are not limited to boundaries, mother and father issues, feeling emotion directly vs. expressing or projecting, self-responsibility and responsible communication, being with pain, how to experience anger, the grieving process, how to identify and meet your own needs, how to not lash out at children, how to regulate your own and other’s emotions, dealing with shock in accidents and emergencies, how to talk to teachers about sensitivity/bullying, how to take care of yourself as a parent, and letting go and grieving as the children grow up and need you less. Childhood issues often covered include pregnancy and post-partum, emotionally preparing to be a parent, eczma, asthma & allergies, tourettes, ADHD, separation anxiety, emotional issues, divorce and teenage issues, eating disorders and so on.
The way I work is an individual process, and yet it works in terms of parenting because when parents resolve some of their issues, the problems that their children seemed to have often clear up on their own. Children are naturally still much truer to themselves. And so when we as adults peel back the layers and become authentic, and in integrity with what we say and what we feel, children find it much easier to understand and trust us. Children are also much easier to observe and decipher when we really look at them without preconception, rather than trying to apply a list of taught concepts and parenting principles. Nobody likes to be approached as if they were a general concept – since everyone is unique and specific and likes to feel that way! The process of working with me is exactly that. You will come to know and trust your ability and self in a way you haven’t before, and this inner experience also changes your outer life in many positive ways.