Introduction
How can I feel less emotion from other people? This is a question I am asked so often I decided it was time to write down some of the common answers I give. It´s also something I used to ask myself repeatedly as I struggled with daily life living in Bali where sounds and smells and people, well really everything is just very alive and intense. Driving on a motorbike, traffic fumes, Gamelon and procession sounds, rubbish fires with plastic burning, food smells… How could I get through a day without feeling like I had been run over by a truck by lunchtime? This article is not about the why, but about the how of making this a less frequent occurrence, and what you can do when it happens to get out of it faster.
If you´re the non-sensitive partner of an HSP reading this…
¨How can HSPS and Empaths feel less emotion from their environment and stay more balanced and in touch with themselves?¨ is such a common question and source of despair for HSPs who get so easily overwhelmed. You may not relate to this yourself – but it is a real experience for others and also for children. It makes their lives miserable and often unbearable. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and Empaths can really suffer when they are around one or more very emotional or agitated people. They also get drained when they visit heavy environments like graveyards or places where historical trauma such as war has happened. Even a chaotic or badly run office can make them sick. Since their nervous systems are very finely tuned, a small input feels much louder than it does to other people, and several inputs or pieces of information at once, like sound, smell, emotion, speech, music can literally crash the system. That means an HSP may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, confused, and more within seconds of walking into a space without knowing why.
1. Preparation
The key to feel less emotion from others and not get overwhelmed is in how you set up your day. You have to put yourself first and make sure you are strong and replenished from the outset! This means sleeping well, taking your time, and thinking ahead. Your main focus needs to be on keeping yourself feeling good all through the day. If you don´t spot the signs of overwhelm as they start up, you won´t be able to pull back. For example, if you know what your own triggers are – that means what you can handle and what you can´t – then you can plan ahead. It´s good to be realistic because the same things that will tend to spin you out won´t miraculously go away. If you can´t handle long periods without food you need to take snacks. If walking through a shopping mall is too intense remember your earplugs.
2. Daily rituals and support
HSPs often have vivid dreams, and it´s more important than you may think to collect yourself in the morning. If you find that some days you seem to ¨get out of the wrong side of bed¨, then consider making this 3-minute practice part of your daily habits.
When you wake up, get out of bed and straight onto the floor. If you are on the ground floor or can go downstairs to be closer to the physical earth even better. Lie on your back, bend your knees, and with your feet slightly apart, let your knees come together to touch. Breathe. And as you take long deep breaths, put your hands by your sides palm up. Allow your lower back to connect with the ground and breathe any heaviness, emotion, or discomfort out into the ground through your lower back. Continue until your feel relaxed and clear. You will find you already feel less emotion of your own which will help you not take on other people´s. This practice is more about allowing the earth to clear out your body rather than trying to do anything. As you breathe and surrender, the earth literally drains away and composts whatever energy is not yours. When you have finished you may want to set a one-word intention for the day, like flow, ease, joy, happiness, success, calm, etc. Or to say an affirmation like ¨I am sovereign, I am the only one on my energy field¨or ¨I am sovereign, nothing else gets in¨. Whatever you can believe and feels right for you will work.
3. How to minimise taking on emotion during the day
High Sensitivity is partly to do with extending your senses out into the environment around you to feel and listen further afield than yourself. HSPs do this naturally, which is unfortunately why they may also pick up so much from other people. However, this is something that you can control to some extent. I call it pulling in your feelers. If you look around you where you are right now, you may be able to see fifty meters or so, out of a window, across a field or car park. Feel the objects at that distance. And then connect with your body and pull in those feelers like strings or tentacles until they are right close up to your body. You will find you can´t feel the distant objects anymore. However, you may be much more aware of your own body, emotion, and self. This is something that takes some practice initially, but with time you can do it at will. It´s like beaming yourself in or solidifying. When you pull your feelers in you become more solid and less perceptive. It will help you feel less emotion. Feeling and checking far outside of yourself can be a trauma response to check for danger, as well as an avoidance of feeling yourself. If you struggle with this it´s worth getting professional help to work through whatever is stopping you. The more you do this, especially before and after entering situations like shops, parties, restaurants, and groups of people, the less you will pick up and the less overwhelmed you will get.
4. What to do if you do get overwhelmed
Go somewhere quiet and alone immediately, even if it has to be the toilet where you are. Lie on the floor if you can (not recommended in the lavatory!) and do the morning grounding exercise to discharge whatever you have taken on. And just be quiet, and focus on breathing, feeling your feet, and any sensation you can locate inside your body.
If someone shouted at you are you took on emotion and are aware, you can gently tap your sternum with your right hand whilst saying ¨mine¨, then push your hand gently away palm out, as if saying stop, and say ¨not min¨. Keep repeating this – it´s an act of affirming what your essence feels like, whilst giving the emotion back to the other person. It can be really helpful to help you set a quick boundary in a difficult situation. You can also do it very quietly and subtly so nobody notices around you.
5. Daily Maintenance
If you have some understanding about yourself as an HSP then you probably already build downtime into your day. For some people, this is five minutes every hour where they walk around, breathe and stretch. Others need to lie down in silence for twenty minutes in the afternoon. I suggest that at least half an hour in nature once a day will really help you as an HS person because nature calms, connects, clears your field and energises you physically through your feet and eyes. I don´t want to overwhelm you with options here, but eating clean food, drinking water regularly and nature are your key allies in feeling good. You may well have other practices that help you already – but please don´t forget the basics are invaluable.
Conclusion
If you are implementing these suggestions and they are still not working, there may be a number of things happening. Are you actually present in your own body? If not, none of the above will actually work, and that’s what you need to work on. If you are, then maybe ask yourself why you are so attached to letting in other people´s energy, and maybe do a deeper investigation of your own boundary issues from childhood. Did you have a dominating or controlling parent? Did you please others as a matter of survival? Do you have difficulty saying no to others? That may be your real issue and where you need to start… Or you may say you would like to feel less emotion from others, but you are actually attached to a stroy of suffering that you´re not yet willing to give up. Identities can be very insidious in their way of hooking us in… I will look at more advanced aspects of boundaries and empathy in a future article. In the meantime, happy practicing and may the force be with you!
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